understanding
i went to brunch with an old friend, my oldest one. we met in third grade, and our lives pulled us in different directions, and we're very different people now. often i don't know how to relate to her, but we keep trying anyways, because that's what you do for people you love.
i went to brunch and i had the most amazing breakfast sandwich i've ever had in my life. i told her about a recent big thing that happened in the family. my little sibling is doing a difficult thing, except they actually stopped doing it months ago and put on a front to the rest of the family about continuing to do it, and it very recently came out into the open that this was the case.
and i went to the family home and i talked to my sibling and apologized for not being the kind of sister they feel like they can bring difficult things up to, and they said no i didn't tell you guys even though i knew you and mom would be understanding. i knew you would be understanding and that actually kind of made everything worse. i told my sibling that whatever they want is fine, and mom and i will support them, and they can just take the time to rest and figure out what they actually want to do.
anyways, i was regaling all of this to my friend, and she kept asking me questions that sort of frustrated me, and put me on edge. i can't really explain it, except in the way i explained it to her, which is that i feel like there's a sea of clashing underlying assumptions, so many of them that the thought of going through them daunted and overwhelmed me. she asked me if i wanted advice or emotional support, and i said well i would like the advice, except i don't think i really understand what you're saying. you might interpret this as me being obstinate or deliberately obtuse, but from the inside it genuinely feels like you are speaking japanese to me and i know two words of japanese. and this is unfortunate because i know you to be a smart and well attuned person. and i guess if i can't have advice that is comprehensible i might take emotional support in lieu.
and she told me that she was sorry because that sounded frustrating, and she was sorry i was going through this hard thing, and she's sure that my sibling must have appreciated me making it clear that we'd support them even if they did not thank me in the moment, and for some reason that made me start to cry a little. i didn't realize that i needed to hear something like that until she said it.