Future History

My grandfather owns a small museum, tucked away in my hometown. It is about the cultural revolution. Some things inside are my mother’s childhood silk slippers, the mahogany carriage my grandmother rode in for her wedding ceremony, and a curious wooden tool whose purpose was to help with darning socks. Although things like these were ubiquitous two generations ago, by the 90s my grandfather had to go to the furthest of traditional, dirt poor farming villages to curate new items for his collection.

If I follow in his footsteps, and start a museum in my retirement age, of things that existed during my childhood but not any longer, what would be there? Old technology is obvious, so I won’t bother with that. But what else? As dress codes loosen more and more, I think household irons might die out. As would print newspaper, as traditional media continues to lose their authority. Simpler kinds of candy, such as popeye’s candy sticks. Books won’t, but printed photographs might. Dollar store ceramic figurines, also.

This also makes me wonder about the things that existed in a baby boomer’s household, but don’t anymore. Again, radios and vinyls, yes, but what else? What things will be lost to time because no one thought to keep them until too late? Some clever tool to solve a transient problem that only existed in the nuclear age, something that would otherwise make us pause and exhale at the ingenuity of humanity, except they’re all decomposing now, and no one would even put them up in an attic because they’re tools, they were bought at the local general store for pennies, they don’t hold any sentimental value.

You throw them away when you move, saying to yourself that it will only take up space and you’ll buy a new one if the problem comes up again, and you’re relatively sure you won’t. You haven’t encountered that problem in ages.

sleepwalking

Sometimes I’m scared that I’d spend my entire life sleepwalking through it, through school and work and marriage and kids and then I die, not having really lived.

Sometimes I’m scared, but more often I’m just so excited because I know I can fill up my life with good friends and deep discussions and nights spent stargazing and trips to Yosemite and Coachella and China. That I probably won’t like my job that much but I’ll get satisfaction out of getting it done and feeling like a part of some great human machinery, working towards some greater purpose. That if I’m going to marry, it means that I’ve met someone that compliments me perfectly, and who makes me happy. That I can live in a mansion or a shoebox, but it’ll be mine and mine only and it’ll seem perfect in my eyes. That I’m living in the age of information and that technology is exploding in leaps and bounds all around me, and the world is going to absolutely unrecognizable in 40 years. That the American dream is being torn to shreds but that just means that I have so much more freedom than I had before. I’m trying to work hard now, but that’s simply because it means I’ll have to work less in my future, and more time to explore my earth and my humanity.

I don’t know, perhaps I’m just feeling optimistic today.

Two Years

I can’t stop thinking about the future these days. Maybe it’s an unconscious reaction to my seventeenth birthday coming up, which I hadn’t really thought about consciously. When I was ten or twelve my future stretched out in front of me and I can see into the distance; middle school, high school. But now, I try to imagine my life even just two years in the future and I can’t I can’t I can’t. I could be living in a dorm or back home or in a shoebox apartment – and all the furniture would be pieces I’ve never seen, and the books that adorn the shelves would have words unknown to the current me, but in two years they’ll be mine. There’ll be strangers who are my friends and my friends will scatter continents away.

In two years I can be having the time of my life or I can be miserable but I won’t be the girl I am today, I will be a stranger. She’ll have new shoes and new teachers and thoughts that would never cross my mind today, and I am becoming her, and I feel the change in my bones. I can always look into my past because I hold on to journals and mementos like they’re made of gold, but the future is a different beast.

The future is a void that I’ve been staring at for weeks and I feel myself shift under its pressure. The freedom it offers me is a double edged sword; it passes through my body like steel wire covered in silk, a breaths away from deadly.

I’m elated.

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